In English we have 26 letters.  We can rearrange these letters to make over 1,000,000 words.  The words we use to describe what’s happening, does not describe what’s happening, it just describes our own thoughts about it. 

When it comes to our internal dialogue, there is one word I keep hearing whilst coaching people all over the world.  

It’s only 4 letters long and yet can have a negative impact on how others can see us.  

The word is ONLY.

For example, I was running a coaching programme in Mumbai in a fantastic hotel where the service from the staff was exceptional.  Every time I tried to get a hot drink there was always this young man working for the hotel who would step in and make it for me.   

As I’m always interested in people and like to engage with people across all spectrums of life I asked him what his job was in the hotel (assuming he didn’t just make coffee all the time).  

His response was, “Oh sir, I’m ONLY a trainee.”  Now this is such a powerful word isn’t it. It diminishes the value we may add and takes away from who we are as a person. 

I replied to him, “You’re not ONLY a trainee. You’re a TRAINEE.”   Said with pride.  Because the reality is all people from all walks of life once started with little knowledge.  Be proud of where you are and what you can achieve.  You’re not ONLY anything in life. 

In another example a few years ago I was working in London with a large corporate client. We were doing some introductions at the start of the day.  

This young man introduced himself and said his name followed by, “...and I’ve ONLY been here 9 months.”  

I asked in reply how long he would need to have worked in that firm before he dropped the ONLY from the sentence. Because using ‘ONLY’ seemed to devalue his level of contribution.   

Of course we would expect a new person to contribute less to a business than a person with years of experience.  But that’s not always true.  Take a sports example,  when Christiano Ronaldo left Real Madrid and signed for Juventus, I very much doubt he said to his new team mates, “don’t expect much from me this coming season, I’ve ONLY just arrived.”   

Whether it’s work, or your job title, your position in life the word ONLY is a word you may want to avoid using when describing who you are.